the gang's all QUEER

So a little known fact about me – I watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I have no shame. The cattiness, the excessive over-the-top purchases, and the senseless arguments – what’s not to love? Haha. I’ve always thought though, that the most sensible, down to earth person(a) on the show was Kandi Burruss. In addition to her contributions to the epic all-girl group Xscape (Second only to TLC & Total – Hey Keisha!), her song writing skills and entrepreneurial sense is pretty uncanny. 

So, when I heard that her (straight to internet) talk show, “Kandi Koated Nights” about sex and relationships was going to feature transgender men and women, I had to tune in. The show entitled “In love with a Transgender”* featured two trans men: A.M. and Jamel, a trans woman who calls herself “Big Dick Bitch”, and a cisgender woman named Jaimee in a relationship with a trans man.

[*side note and pet peeve: “transgender” is an adjective – not a verb or noun. Read more, HERE ]

I watched fearfully.

Mainly because the lives of transgender people are often presented in the media as some sort of side show oddity - something to gasp and gawk at. And like a magician’s slight of hand, we’re often accused of “tricking” people – deceiving the eye. What the media often misses though is that we’re human beings trying to live out our own truths. Not using our lives to deceive.

Unfortunately, Kandi’s show primarily focused on sex and genitalia instead of the “love and relationship” aspect she proclaimed to be interested in. With members of the panel inappropriately exclaiming multiple times “let us see!” For real? I wonder if any of the members of her panel would have been willing to show off their genitals first? Ugh.

Amidst multiple pronoun slip-ups by Kandi, threats from a member of the audience (yea, that happened) and general gawking “oohs” and “ahhs” by panel members, A.M., Jamel and Jaimee tried to educate the audience and panel members on correct terms, and ways of understanding  the lives of trans people. I appreciated their representation, and the way they tried to make the panel and audience understand that the issues of trans people couldn’t be simply summed up in generalizations and genitalia – we are complex.

For the most part though, they were fascinated with the sexual.  The “Big Dick Bitch” didn’t help, as she saw the show primarily as an opportunity to promote her porn site. Now, I’d never hate on porn – but the venue was wrong. Did I mention that her manager was the one who made the threat towards Jamel? While professing how big his dick was and threatening to pull it out? Lets just say that the ladies loving Jamel were making him intensely jealous and ready to fight. Umm….SECURITY!

Needless to say my trans sisters could have used more representation. I would have loved to see another trans woman on the panel with a different perspective. Because the “Big dick bitch” is definitely not the “end all be all” of the trans-feminine experience. Sigh.

I asked myself after it was over why I subjected myself to an hour+ of people ridiculing and shaming trans folks like myself. I guess I fell for it. I kept waiting for the moment when Kandi and the other folks on the panel would approach the subject of “loving a transgender person” with dignity – and with an intent to educate folks that had little or no knowledge about us. I was duped. 

I guess Kandi saw trans people’s lives just like RHOA or any other opportunity to cash in. But unlike a beat for a new pop song, or venturing into country music, this was a genuine opportunity to change people’s perceptions. But like Cheryl Courtney-Evans said in her post about the show – Oprah Winfrey she is NOT.

If you’d like a more informed perspectives on trans women & men, hit up transgriot or original plumbing or janet mock or Brooklyn Boihood for bois and transmasculine folks of color. Or theGAQ for general POC Queer goodness. But if you’d like to subject yourself to the hot-messery of the video, go HERE. Or just skip it – you’re probably better off. 

(Source: mekhimorphosis)